What does emotional healing look like?

Not long ago, I navigated relational trauma that turned my world upside down, and also, the outcome of the trauma provided clarity and peace. Even though I felt initial peace on the other side of the experience, I found that it took time for my body to understand I was free of the toxic environment that held me captive for too long. It takes a long time for your brain and nervous system to re-learn how to feel safe and move into a more restful state.

Years of personal therapy, becoming a therapist, and sitting with courageous folks navitgatlng their own healing journey have taught me a few things about what healing might look like and how I know that I or my clients are beginning to heal. Many of these will feel unproductive and uncomfortable while you journey through it but if you’re willing to walk through the time and process, these symptoms are very very productive signs of healing.

Evidence of grief. When there are tears and emotions that range from disbelief, to sadness, to anger, or any variety of this order, I know that grief is present. Grief is an uncomfortable, often painful part of moving forward. It helps to have someone hold the grief with you, name the grief, offer purpose in the grief. Walking through this part is extremely productive work that will pay off on the other side. Don’t bottle this up or put it on a shelf. It’s important work that indicates productive healing.

The body demands more rest. The body needs time to recover from the impact of long term heighted stress hormones in the system, so the body will require more rest. This might look like more sleep, more time alone, more margin. Listen the body’s cues and honor this part of your healing. It won’t last forever if you are willing to engage gentle and compassionate care. This is different than isolation. Take care to discern the difference between the need for rest and an urge to isolate from people who care about you. This can be hard because it feels and looks unproductive according to the values of our culture. Do not bypass the rest you need.

New layers of emotional work. Surprising layers of emotional work may come up. This too is part of the healing process and evidence that your body and mind are waking up. Lean in to this with kind support. There is so much strength waiting for you on the other side of growing self awareness and building emotional health. This may feel like you’re taking 3 steps backwards, but you’re not. This too is an indication of healing work.

Creativity and Beauty begin to light up again. This was an area of my own healing where I began to FEEL like I was healing. While my body was in survival mode or doing the hard work of grief and rest, my creative brain felt like it had gone dormant. This is normal. As I began to see beauty in nature and in my life, my creative heart began to beat again, and I knew I was truly beginning to heal and wake up to my whole self. I had to be patient with the long season of grief and rest (while linking arms with my own therapist and safe friends) in order to find my heart again.

Trust the journey. Don’t insist on doing it alone. I promise there is strength on the other side.

Stay gentle.