Julie Kittredge Art & Photography

Life has a way of running away from me if I let it. I feel like 2011 was much more balanced than 2010, which was good, but I still felt like I was lacking focus – doing what was urgent in the moment. Sometimes I felt like I was being intentional and other times I felt like I was just riding the train barreling through life. I want more of life to be intentional and it takes some time of pulling away to think, to see, and to really listen to see where things need to be adjusted. The last couple of weeks have allowed me to really do that. I relish this time at the end of the year to reflect, re-evaluate, and re-align my heart to where I really want it to be and I’m realizing I need to do this pulling away more often throughout the year rather than just at year end. As I mentioned in the previous post, I really feel led to simplify … even more … what I have, how I live, how I make choices. There are a few rooms and closets in my tiny home that are overwhelming and stressful – they need to be purged. My heart and mind are scattered and unfocused – there is some purging that needs to happen there too – I need to simplify my focus and get rid of some old messages. I need to stop doing and start being. I need to wait more and pursue less. I need to nurture patience instead of my type A drive. There are several books I’ve been reading, one has been especially insightful and deep. One Thousand Gifts is an amazing book. I thought I would fly through it, because initially I did just soak it up. But I’ve found that the deeper I get into it the more there is to digest and I have to slow down. It’s so meaty … all about living the fullest life from a Christian perspective. Here are some  quotes that have jumped right off the page at me ::

“I longed for more life, for more holy joy.”

“Thanksgiving is inherent to a true salvation experience; thanksgiving is necessary to live the well, whole, fullest life.”

“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.” ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

“To learn how to be grateful and happy, whether hands full or hands empty. That is a secret worth spending a life on learning.”

“Thanksgiving always precedes the miracle.”

“Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I’ve ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing … Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away.”

“When I fully enter time’s swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here. I can slow the torrent by being all here. I only live the full life when I live fully in the moment.”

“Wherever you are, be all there. I have lived the runner, panting ahead in worry, pounding back in regrets, terrified to live in the present, because here-time asks me to do the hardest of all; just open wide and receive.”

“I awaken to the truth that all new life comes out of the dark places, and hasn’t it always been?”

“Yes. And emptiness itself can birth the fullness of grace because in the emptiness we have the opportunity to turn to God, the only begetter of grace, and there find all the fullness of joy.”

So you can see … lots of earmarks, lots of underlining. Lots of “Yes! This is what I want. This is who I want to be.” I’m not even half finished with the book. I am a doer. I’m a woman of action. I don’t procrastinate. While these are good qualities, they don’t leave a lot of room for listening. I’m discovering that I have not been a good listener, I’m in a rush to get things done, to accomplish my to-do list. To work on the next project, to find a next project, to keep busy so I don’t see the yuck in my heart. I’m ready to face it. The bad attitudes, the unwillingness to listen, the self-focus. Ugly. I need to slow the pace, to wait more for God’s direction, to listen for His answers. I would so much rather just do what I think is the next step – but that means I’m not listening.

I have started my own list of One Thousand Gifts … I’ll share periodically here … maybe once a week I’ll give a glimpse into my own journey of gifts. I do carry a mindset of noticing the little things and entertaining the joy of them in my heart, but I love the idea of making it a tangible and written list. I want that joy to seep into my everything – changing my perspective of the hard times when I tend to get grumbly on the inside. I’ve been working through it on and off for over a month …

63. … peace in our home

64. … new hope in the now

65. … warmer December, convenient for exercise

66. … good health

67. … a magical Christmas

68. … the eye for a moment

Ann Voskamp, the author of One Thousand Gifts, also has a blog that is equally challenging, radical, and inspiring. Check her out! Her writing is poetic and inspiring. She’s real and her faith is deep.

I expect 2012 to look different. I really want it to look different … maybe even radically different. Even if it’s just my heart.