Julie Kittredge Art & Photography

I’m counting down my last few paid sessions of this business I poured my blood sweat and tears into. Today I shot this sweet little 18 month old. Still with all her glorious baby pudge and the familiar dark eyes with the killer eye lashes I last saw about a year ago. She’s just a little taller with a bigger vocabulary, like the all important “no” and “all done.”

As I did the first run through of the images when I got home, I choked up a little. When I got emails and facebook notes from my families who will miss me, I choked up a little. The validation I get when friends of the family comment on the images … even so much as “like” them … it’s incredibly validating. Satisfaction washes over me. I brought joy to someone’s day. I captured childhood moments. Family connections. Innocence. A short season of youth for their loving families. People. I love capturing the hearts of people. This work has been so fulfilling.

Letting it go one session at a time makes me cry a little on the inside. It’s so hard. I’ve made a lot of new friendships in my families. Outside of capturing their passing years, I know my connections with them will be limited. Sweet words have been said to me as I let this thing called small-business-ownership go. My person-hood has spoken to many. What I stand for and value has been received, inspired, embraced and understood. That feels so good. And by making this hard decision, I know that I am just solidifying all that I profess to believe in. True authenticity. Family first. Being intentional. Pursuing this adventure of life without regrets. All of it wrapped in prayer and a desire to follow whatever path God puts before me.

This is what I want to be about. As I write. As I continue to photograph on my own. As I share from my heart the things that speak to me. I want to be passionately exposing the love of God that flows through me to the people in my circles. Because, honestly, I believe that’s what people are seeing. It’s not me. It’s Jesus. It must be. Because the real me is afraid, and vulnerable, and sensitive. I am also confident, a fighter, and usually right. When I’m stretched thin, I yell. I tend to be about 5 minutes late wherever I go, and I can’t seem to fold the laundry. Ever. So whatever good anyone sees in me. It’s not me. It’s Jesus in me. That’s all I’ve got. It’s what I lean on. It’s not a crutch. It’s beautiful. It’s a part of me that cannot be separated from who I have become.

I believe there is a lot of beautiful in the world. When I click on the shutter – my heart is seeing beauty … I always am shooting from my heart. Families, nature, light. All from the heart. My written words are also rooted in my heart and yet, what I write is from a very ordinary life. Ordinary because my reader can relate, but I think I may have a perspective on life that makes it extraordinarily beautiful in my eyes. That is what I want to communicate in my writing … I think.  I want to be in the ministry of exposing the ordinary as beautiful … speaking and writing heart to heart. Still the same business … just a different method of capturing the hearts of people. 

I put it out there. Writer. It’s a secret that’s in the light and now I can’t take it back. I feel like I have to measure up to this … I guess it’s not “author” so no big deal. If you write, you’re a writer. Right?

I do this to myself all the time. I jump, and then … I navigate. What the hay, let’s see what happens! It’s a part of me that I find so endearing. (You too?!)  I respond to the moment. In some ways that’s awesome – I can take it as it comes. In other ways it’s a wee bit overwhelming. For example, I asked my writer friend for some tips on writing well – I received a wealth of info to start with. So good, all of it. But she used this word “REDLINED.” It sounds terrifying. She even used the phrase “I’ve had many a bludgeoned, bloody pieces of writing come back to me.” Aaak! Am I ready for this?

This is a craft I pretty much know nothing about, except that it requires words. Lots of them strung together, like twinkle lights drawing people in with their brilliance. I’m a strong communicator, but I wouldn’t say brilliant. My writer friend assures me I have a strong voice. I realize I know nothing about sentence structure and active verbs vs. passive verbs — Huh? Aren’t all verbs … verbs? Grammar and punctuation — isn’t that what an editor is for? Ha ha. Clearly I have work to do. The language of writing is so foreign to me. Structuring sentences properly sounds so technical and intimidating … but so did photography at first. While I have a solid working knowledge of the technical aspect of photography, I always shoot from the creative and visual side knowing what technicalities I might be ignoring. It’s an educated choice. I’ve always said, I shoot from my heart. Over time, I hope writing will be the same. As I learn the technicalities of writing, I want to write from my heart, knowing which technical structures I’m choosing to embrace as well as ignore. I don’t want to have to think about sentence structure. I know with lots of work it will come naturally. Just like photography.

She offered to redline my work. I know this is a critical piece of what is going to make me a better writer. It’s part of the learning process and honestly, I’m SO glad it’s her. She is safe, what a gift! I think I’m ready … with the right tools, be it a keyboard or a flouncy feather pen, some education like this recommended book, and the encouragement of a friend who’s willing to teach … I’m digging in one blog post at a time.