living fully

digging deeper. living fully. simplifying. re-evaluating. prioritizing. soul searching. re-building.

What does that look like in the life of a mom with one child on the brink of her academic career, one child who wants to serve in the military at 9, and one child who is on the brink of discovering who he is apart from his parents, but being too young to do so and too old for the ‘kid’ stuff.

What does that look like for a mom who takes motherhood and her business seriously, but is struggling to know how to find the balance without the proper resources? What does that look like for a Child of God who struggles with the tension of jealousy at all the resources of other’s and yet knows she is blessed with so much and has no reason for jealousy. He knows her needs. We always want what we don’t have and loose sight of the beautiful gifts right in front of us that other’s wish they had. It’s an ugly battle. What does that look like for a woman who sees the best in people and almost always sees the positive in a situation but has felt disappointed time and time again … it get’s to a girl, you know?

What does that look like for a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter who is struggling with relationships that haven’t met her expectations?

I haven’t completely fallen off the face of the earth … just spending a lot of thinking time. I turned 39 on the 8th. I know! I’m sorry! I didn’t let you in on that … it was actually kind-of a rough birthday. I had a nice day, but there was an underlying sadness about the week. Life just doesn’t look the way I expected it to at 39 … expectations … I’m realizing that these expectations can be a dangerous thing.  I’m thinking no one’s life looks like they expected really.  Gratefully, the month is ending on a positive note.  It’s been good these last few weeks to step away and think through where I’m going, what I’m hoping, and what needs to happen next – in every area of my life.  Working on a few goodies for the next shop update … it’s become quite empty in there!! I’m very serious about my business and I know it has great potential – I feel the same way about my marriage, my parenting, my friendships, my health, my needs. hopes. dreams. I’ll share more about my thinking in the coming weeks.

For me, this year has been very much about simplifying. Saying “no” to a lot, getting my priorities straight, thinking through my choices, getting on my feet. I’m going to start a series on “simplifying” – there are so many elements to this I can’t wait to share with you what simplifying looks like for me. Maybe some of you can apply these things too. Life is crazy and it’s going fast.

Intentional living is something I’m passionate about and sometimes … when we aren’t listening … it can get away from us. Apparently for the month of March that meant letting the blog go for a bit. I’ve wondered … why do I spend the time doing this? Why share my heart here?  What is the purpose of this space? Not to mention I just wasn’t inspired to keep it up with the other issues I was working through this month. The overwhelming response to that has been – that it’s inspiring. That my words have strength and they give you, whomever is reading this, strength.  Maybe a little wind beneath your wings. What I’m learning … everyone is learning, but can’t always put the words to it … gives others’ the opportunity to step out and be intentional too. To be okay with the wrestling through of things, working through the journey instead of just letting the journey happen. I love putting words to my life. It’s a bit therapeutic and the feedback that it can encourage you too … that’s life giving and encouraging to me. So, keep it up!I don’t need a pat on the back, but I give thanks to God if something I’m working through can help someone else in their journeys. I desire to share His heart here. The heart of the Father, the perspective that life is going to be okay, the positive perspective that even in the tough things there is a spirit of love and a gift that can be found, the perspective that we are each created with gifts and purpose that He intended for us to use. That the journey will include hard things, but that there is purpose to them. To hang on. To seek HOPE. To simplify so we can be present in life – so we can live life rather than let life live us. I want to LIVE. This last month has been one that I’ve spent evaluating … am I really LIVING? Why do I do what I do? My husband thought I was going through a mid-life crisis … I can’t seem to convince him that everyone needs to take a step back once in a while. This is no midlife crisis … I don’t think?!?! So, on that note … I’ve continued capturing my gifts on instagram – the entire collection continues to grow on flickr!

 

P.S. I have the most adorable 6 month old to show you … she’s up next and regular blogging will resume on Monday as well! Excited about the rest of this year!